年度蠢人蠢事「達爾文獎」

達爾文獎（Darwin Awards）是一個帶半開玩笑性質的獎項。該獎項以著名進化論學者查爾斯‧達爾文命名，在網路上以獨特的黑色幽默廣受網友青睞，這個獎主要是表彰那些在人類進化中最離奇，最不可思議的人，也有人認為，達爾文獎是用來記錄「那些在演化過程中走得最慢的人」。以下分享的是最經典的一年。

金牌獎得主：

1. 一個加州長灘市的搶劫犯 JAMES ELLIOT，當他把點 38左輪手槍對準被害人開槍時，槍卡彈了（子彈沒有擊發），此時他做了非常有建設性的舉動：把眼睛對準槍口仔細瞄了一眼，同時扣下了扳機‧‧‧這次槍沒有卡彈。


銀牌獎得主：

2. 一個瑞士酒店的廚師被一台切肉機切斷了一根手指，他向保險公司要求賠償。保險公司懷疑是他操作錯誤才會發生意外，於是派了一個代表來檢查機器。這個代表自己嘗試操作了切肉機，他也失去了一根手指‧‧‧於是，這個廚師的賠償要求得到了保險公司的核准。

3. 一個男人在暴風雪的芝加哥街頭奮力剷雪一個小時，終於給自己的車清出了一個停車位。當他把車開過去時，發現一位女士已經搶了他的車位‧‧‧可以理解，他朝她開了一槍，把她幹掉了。

4. 由於在一個非法酒吧停車喝酒，司機發現自己巴士上的 20名精神病患者全部逃跑了，而他應該把他們送到 BULAWAYO的精神病院的。由於害怕他的粗心大意被批評，這個司機把車開到了附近的一個公共汽車站，允諾乘客可以免費搭乘。他把這些乘客送到了精神病院，並且告訴醫院工作人員，這些「病人」非常容易激動，而且「胡言亂語充滿幻覺」‧‧‧這個詭計直到三天後才被識破。


銅牌獎得主：

5. 一個美國少年的頭部被火車嚴重撞傷，而他被送進了醫院。當警察問他怎麼受傷時，他說他只是想看看自己能夠把頭伸到離行進的火車多近的地方‧‧‧然後他就暈過去了。

6. 一個男人走進路易斯安那州某個便利店，拿出 20元紙鈔要求找零，當職員打開收款機時，他亮出自己的手槍並要求職員把收款機裡所有現金給他。職員很快照做了，他拿了錢迅速消失，但把自己的 20元鈔票留在了櫃檯上‧‧‧他一共只拿走了 15元。
（事實上這引起了一場法律上的爭論：如果一個人拿槍威脅你要給你錢，這算不算犯罪？）

7. 一個阿肯色州的小伙子似乎想喝啤酒想得要命，於是他朝一個賣酒商店的櫥窗扔了一個空心磚，打算砸破玻璃，搶幾瓶酒逃之夭夭‧‧‧他沒注意到櫥窗是強化玻璃做的，空心磚反彈回來，把他砸得失去了知覺。整個過程被全部錄了下來。
（猜猜看，這個傢伙會不會把商店告上法庭。）

9. ANN ARBOR新聞報的犯罪專欄報導說，密西根州的一個男子淩晨 5點持槍走進快餐店打劫。櫃臺人員表示說，如果沒有點餐，他無法打開收銀機。於是這個男子點了份炸洋蔥圈，但櫃臺人員說早餐時間不提供這玩意兒‧‧‧該男子深感挫折，悵然離去。


年度特別大獎：

10. 警察在西雅圖街道上發現一個嚴重不適的人蜷縮在一輛 RAV車旁，那人後來承認他企圖用虹吸管偷汽油，但他錯誤地將吸管的另一頭放到了旅行車的小型化糞桶裡。車主決定不起訴，因為這是他見過最好笑的事。
（想像一下他用力含著吸管大力猛吸時的情景吧！）

原文:
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners.

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

※ 原文出處: snopes.com: 2005 Darwin Awards